I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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