Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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