Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize