Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
