I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
