You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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