he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love you.
Bad choice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
