Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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