Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
