Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
