Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
