At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
