But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
