some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
