I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
