Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
