she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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