You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
