Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
