U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
