I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
