You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
