So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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