Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
