i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
