So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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