booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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