Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
