Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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