Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
