I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
