Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize