So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
