I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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