I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
