Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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