I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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