my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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