I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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