I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
