the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
