It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
