Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
