He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
