She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
