he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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