I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
