I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
