when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
