I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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