Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
