My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
