i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
