I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
