Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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