Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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