I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
