Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
