guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
