how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
