it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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