Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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