I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
