I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My vagina is officially offended.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
