I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
