He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
