yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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