Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
