I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
