I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
