Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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