The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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