I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
