Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
