did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
