He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
