she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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