On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
