Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
