I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
