well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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