He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
