Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
